


we are beautiful, we are doomed

by antsizedego



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron is Straight and Christian, Alexander is hopelessly crushing on Aaron Burr, High School AU, M/M, One Shot, One sided, Pining, RIP me, and also moving away with his missionary family, anyway this is like a going away letter but he never gives it to aaron because it gets Too Personal, fuck im probably gonna die writing this, no editing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 15:33:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12560548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antsizedego/pseuds/antsizedego
Summary: Alexander but he's dying but not physically dying instead it's metaphorical.





	we are beautiful, we are doomed

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i'm suffering so alexander is too.
> 
> it's literally just a vent fic because i can't stop thinking about my Straight Christain Crush who is also moving away with his missionary family, 
> 
> if u copy and paste this into google docs and find the sloppiest cursive u can find it makes it more real than it should be.  
> mr bedfort works well.

Aaron-

Hey. I know you’re leaving right after break and probably won’t be coming back to school. I just wanted to write you this letter to clear up a lot of things. The beauty of this predicament, though, is that you most likely will not be able to write back. 

That reason is exactly why I’m giving this to you now.

Taped onto your locker with this letter is your Christmas gift. I thoroughly hope you enjoy it! I took my time in choosing something that I think you would enjoy but would also remind you of not only the band, but me as well. Let it remind you of the cold nights we shared, gripping our mallets, trying not to flinch when our knuckles hit our keys on accident because we could not feel our fingers. Don’t forget how our gauntlets would hit notes that they weren’t supposed to and completely demolish the chord. Don’t forget our laughter and the tears. Do not let us slip out of your mind, because you won’t slip out of their’s, or mine. You will always be in my mind, Aaron.

A day doesn’t go by when I don’t think of you in a fond manner, to see your face and how you smile so slightly that no one will notice. I anticipate the days that you show me your expertise on the keyboard, but also let me dink around in comparison to you. I admire how you apply yourself to everything that you do, and I do not wish for that work ethic to leave you. Stay with everything, my friend. It will help you in the long run.

I regret that I was jealous of you at first. I regret how I treated you- you did not deserve it. You simply showed up and I had immediate connotations of your “type”. I always perceived Christians as stuck up, “better-than-thee” type people. Perhaps it’s because how I was raised. Yet, you were not like that. Despite your religion, you realized that not everyone is of your beliefs. You spoke up for yourself only when you had to, but tried to make light of everything. Endless optimism shone through you, and you never tired. I envy of that sort of positive energy. It’s the only envy I possess of you now. 

I have no other way to say what I’m trying to portray other than this: I admire you, Aaron Burr. I admire you in a way that you do not wished to be admired by. I admire you for  _ you _ . For your personality, your kind ways. Your talents and your flaws. Though I have deep affections for you, I know you do not think of me the same way and I’m okay with that. I have to be. You’re moving away all the way across the world. I can’t be there with you. Though there is Skype and other means of communication, it is nothing like the type of time we have spent together here. I’m so grateful to have met you. You’ve changed me. 

I wish that you wouldn’t move away. I’ll miss you too much, I’ll think of you every day, fond or not. You Burr in my side, don’t ever let me leave your mind. 

I don’t know why I keep repeating myself. Maybe it’s because I’m upset about you leaving. We all knew it would happen. We all knew you would not be here forever. I just wish that I had never met you that way I would never have to leave you. I don’t want to see you go. I don’t want you to leave. Don’t leave me, Aaron Burr. Don’t. Stay here. Stay with us, sleep in the band room. We can feed you! You can write to your parents every day. You can use the school’s wifi. You can attend church with Lee. You can do everything you’ve ever done here, in New York. Don’t leave me, don’t leave me don’t leave me-

 

Fuck.

This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t be fucking writing this. 

I’m an idiot.


End file.
